Thursday, December 27, 2012

wish craft

Did you get what you wanted for Christmas?  I did. Unfortunately, Darrin thinks I did it. That's right.  He seems to believe I made it snow. 

A few weeks ago we were visiting with neighbors and the discussing our holiday plans when the light hearted query was made, "What do you really, truly want for Christmas?" I said, without thinking, "A white Christmas." Everyone laughed (we normally do not have snow at Christmas) and then I heard something like "you must want more than that." I professed guilt at not saying "I want the UN to declare killing in the name of god - any god - illegal." But I had blurted out the first thing that popped into my head:
"I would love snow on Christmas day."

We got snow, several inches. All day Tuesday, and for a few hours this morning, Darrin would look out of a window and sigh and then looked at me, as if I had done it on purpose.  (He did not grow up with snow and does not care for it - something I did not learn until after we were married.)

Here's where I come clean with you.  I only wished for snow.  A simple sentence, spoken out loud.  No candles were harmed in the making of this beautiful day.  No herbs, potions, or crystals used nor poems spoken.  I didn't even dance naked under the moon.  I just honestly answered a question.

So, what do you think - 'coincidence' or 'magic?'
Do you keep track of how many times your wishes come true? 



Wednesday, December 12, 2012


I am enjoying the dark time of the year.  Under this week's waning moon I seek to make changes, and in my home I have a few extra candles warming up the place. 

I'm not trying to get rid of all my problems. For example, I'm not one of those people who seeks to lose ALL my excess weight (it is the extra pounds that make me curvy). And I truly believe that my problems are part of the lessons I'm here to learn in this life.

If for some reason you are sorrowful right now, please take some time for yourself and give up some of the burden you carry.  I'm not saying you have to have zero problems to enjoy your life, but the weight of the world is not meant to be carried by anyone.  Take a few minutes and make time to light a candle and ask the universe for a little relief.  Then take steps to make the changes YOU need. Go ahead, give yourself permission not to make the holidays perfect.  Or accept the fact that you can not buy each and everyone of your family and friends the perfect gift. 

I see the dark time as a time to rest - just like the land is resting outside under the heavy frost.  I try to celebrate the seasons by following the rhythm of the land - and see winter as the time for taking it easy.   I sometimes think that I'm doing too much when I knock myself out to 'do' Yuletide / Christmas celebrating, bringing on unnecessary problems and extra work.  Then I remember, the plants are dead outside, we are alive and celebrating, humans were made to party.  If I start to feel overwhelmed, I stop and try to find balance.  To trade off some of the manufactured craziness for true peace on earth (well, at least peace and quiet in my little world).

Our neighbors (a superstitious lot) have this need to remove all traces of their Christmas celebrations before the first day of the new year. This causes them as much (or more!) grief than getting ready for the holidays - rushing around as if they would be cursed if all signs of a good time were not put away.  Not me, at this house we celebrate winter without guilt until we have to dust the ornaments - or until the next turning of the wheel.

Whiskey and candle light - enjoying a warm drink on a cold night.

Hidden in plain sight moment:  We both look forward to those peaceful pauses just to enjoy the decorations and the extra light here in our home.  And, after the holiday rush, Darrin loves to sit by the lit tree and the fireplace almost as much as I do. I think he likes breaking the tradition his family had of having to get all of Christmas put away just after they had celebrated.  Me, I like holding on to the winter, celebrating the season as long as I can. 



Monday, December 3, 2012

permissible magic

I love this time of year.  Who wouldn't?  Magic is such a big part of the Christmas celebration (sure, they call it miracle - but we know).  What many people don't seem to realize is this time of year is loved because we allow magic.  We expect it - demand it of our celebrations.  Just think what life would be like if we expected it every day...

Here in December, with Christmas rushing at folks, a few of my television channels are running movies (almost nonstop) and every one of them has a bit of magic - oh, yes, they'll say "coincidence" or "Christmas miracles" - there's that word again.  Every now and then they will even say "magic." 

Imagine every day with magic possibilities.  This is how I got started with my magical life.  I just accepted that 'it' was possible. 

Give yourself permission to dream and make those dreams come true.

Do not limit yourself to this time of year.




Monday, November 19, 2012

the season is the reason

I am a very relaxed person to the point of being lazy.  Being a pagan is perfect for me.  The seasons change and I dust and put out decorations to honor the time of year. 

I try to change things up every month but there's something about winter that makes me want to hold on to all the beauty, glitter, greenery, and lights.  I don't know, is it that primal fear that the sun won't come back that makes me want to hang stars and lights around my home from the first of November until the forsythia blooms in February?

Or maybe it is my inner child that just can't get enough of the anticipation of 'the perfect gift' that makes me leave my trees up way into January?

I love the music, foods (especially the sweets), warm drinks, and the laughter of family and friends that make this season special.  And it makes me smile to think that everyone, whether they admit it or not, is following a pagan calendar whose origin goes back so far that the human heart just accepts that this is right.



Wednesday, November 14, 2012

take note

I love my pagan path because I am creating my life. My worship, my way. When I discover something that works I accept that it may only work for me and I feel no need to convert my neighbor or the masses.  

"Each new wave rearranges the patterns in the sand...
so we may pretend our footsteps are the first...."

I guess I enjoy thinking that I have discovered something wonderful and new.  Like when you walk on the beach and yours are the only foot prints.

At the same time, I will share (especially when asked - and if the time is right) and I love to read other blogs and hear stories of how others live their lives.  Too bad there's not a DIYWitch channel somewhere - or is there?

Over the last few months I've discovered I am a one notebook person.  I run a more efficient home, things get done (shopping lists, wish lists, everyday stuff, and witchy ideas), and I am just more relaxed if I keep my trusty, beat-up notebook close at hand.  Also, my spells have a better outcome if I plan and follow that plan (still not always what I'm hoping for - but sometimes that little surprise is part of the fun).  I just seem to have a better life when I keep all my "working" thoughts in one spot. 

When a 'spell comes together' and I accept the outcome, I make notes and then transfer all this information into my Book (sorry, folks, but "Books of Shadows" isn't me and neither is "Grimoire").  

For every day living and dreaming I keep my notebook handy. When I got my iPhone I thought that would be the perfect note keeper - but no.  I'm old fashioned enough to love paper, not to mention, if the mood strikes, I can always burn a piece of paper.  

How do you keep up with your life?  Are there any new discoveries  making you smile this week?

~ Sam


Tuesday, November 6, 2012

living the life

When I look around and see how things have fallen into place in my life, I am amazed and feel blessed.  When we purchased our house, almost a decade ago, I wasn't thinking "This place is so pagan!"  I was just looking for a place that made me feel at home. 

This house did that.  It faces north (I always like a north facing house) with a large oak tree in the front yard.  The air conditioning unit is on the east side, the fireplace along the south wall, and the kitchen sink is, of course, on the west wall.

I look around me today and see the elements in their proper order.  Hidden in plain sight.  I'm the only one here who even thinks about it.  I would love to have someone come into my home and make this observation. 

Candle on left represents female, candle on the right reminds me of
male, on the tray I have blossoms, an acorn, and stones, in the cups
- air and fire, the pitcher holds water, and in the bowl - salt. 

I keep my altar set up in the kitchen and no one has ever said "O look!  An altar."  I would love that.  I have hints all over the place, still no one even winks at me. 

I have had people tell me how comfortable they are in our home.  I've even had visitors fall asleep in my chair - I'm not offended by this and take it as a sign of peace.  I like to think they are able to let go of their troubles and relax.  When this happens, Darrin and I (and sometimes other guests) go into another room and wait for the weary traveler to awaken.   That usually happens within the hour, they may be slightly embarrassed but they are always grateful.  Funny thing - it happened once with a young priest and when he woke up he said "It was like magic, we were watching the basketball game and the next thing I know I'm waking up!"  Then he told us how he had never gone to sleep like that while visiting parishioners and how comforting our home felt to him. 

For those of you living your pagan life "out loud" how is your home a reflection of you?  If you are 'closet bound' what's the most witchy thing on display in your home?

~ Sam


Thursday, November 1, 2012

bitter sweet

I had lots of fun yesterday, all dressed up and no one to tell me how godless and terrible witches are.  I wore a bit more makeup than I usually do and tried to look my best.  I don't do "scary" and I have never worn a mask with a green witch face.  I see the world view of Halloween as just a fantasy of witchyness, just trying to stir up a christian fear so that everyone will look to a lone male god for protection. 

After all the trick or treaters were gone and the house was quiet, I sat alone with my candles and thought of loved ones no longer here.  At some point, I walked out on the patio and stared at that big, old moon.  I told it and everyone good night.  Just before I turned to walk back into the house I could smell lavender everywhere!  I got so excited, was this it?  Had my paternal grandma come by to say good night to me?  Then I remembered I had bundles of lavender drying here under the eaves...  Still for a moment...

As I mentioned in my last post, this time of year always brings along a sadness of knowing so many people were killed because they were labeled 'witch.'  But a new level of sadness was added when I read The Halloween Witch a post by Angel at The Country Witch's Cottage.  This post actually brought tears to my eyes.  I never thought about the reason witches are depicted with green faces.  Like some of her other readers I just thought it was done to make us look bad. 

My break with organized religions that act as if the male is all that is needed (all that matters) is not completely over.  I still, on occasion, attend church with Darrin.  He expects it, the neighbors do too - and the folks at church.  I worry that even my children would have trouble with mom giving up 'church' (even though neither one is attending a church at the moment).  

This closet business is hard, but not as hard as I believe the coming out would be.  I don't think I would be physically tortured, but I do fear rejection and loneliness.  So many blogs I follow don't realize what a comfort they are to me, friends in the blogging world make my life better just by being there and posting their thoughts and stories of their lives.  On the other hand, friends I visit with in "real life" have little or no clue about who I really am.  So in my heart and mind I have much conflict with all this. 

This is my New Year's resolution:  To figure out a way to meet and become friends with others like me in my community.  Not sure how I will do this... 

Any suggestions?

~ Sam


Monday, October 29, 2012

autumn mornings

Is there anything more wonderful than a bright autumn morning? 

I love this time of year, the crisp, cool - sometimes cold - morning air gives me energy to accomplish my daily tasks.  However, there is a sadness to this time of year, as society remembers the Salem Witch Trials and the gruesome history of religions who killed witches - the wise (mostly) women of their day.  Even today, there are places where people (in the name of their god or their fears) are killing "witches.'  So many that I even a found a blog, Hawkafrica, - there's probably more than one - it's amazing what you can find when you start 'Googling.'

My own opinion about this is folks have someone they do not like, someone they don't want around anymore, or someone they are envious of and so they label that person a witch and set about getting rid of them.  My history studies have led me to believe that many of the women killed long ago were just wise women that people in their town turned to for advice and the "church" became jealous of their knowledge and power so the church leaders labeled them "a witch" and this allowed them to be disposed of in the name of a god.  These witches were probably just like me - they had a disbelief in an impotent god and they knew they had the power / knowledge in themselves to get things done. 

What am I getting done today?  I am (finally) making me a witch hat.  Yes, a pointed beauty that I can wear on Halloween to greet my many visitors.  And, yes, I'll probably wear it other times when the moon and the mood are right.  I found a colorful one years ago and tried it on, it fit like it was made for me and Adam, who was with me at the time, said, "Mom, you should get that - - it looks like YOU."  But I didn't.  Because of my religious training, I had this tape that played in my head NO WITCH...NO WITCHES...NO WITCHY THINGS... NO WITCH...  Funny thing, witchy stuff just seems attracted to me.  As  I sit here typing away in my family room I can see a few gifts I've been given in the last couple of years that would make any witch proud.  Friends from Texas gave me a Christmas ornament - a beautiful pentagram "Texas Star."  (It's still out on the mantle because I couldn't find the box it came in to put it away after Christmas... and it looks so 'cute' hanging there for all the world to see and yet no one seems to recognize.)  A school mascot gnome that my sister in law sent to me (us) at the start of football season - for luck!   The carved face of a green man - carved in Germany, out of an oak tree - there are still bits of bark on him and he's beautiful (a gift from my husband because he 'just knew' I would like this silly thing because I'm "always in the garden..."), an apple pin from a friend who knows I collect apples (yes, I've always harbored the notion that Eve - the first woman mentioned in the Christian Bible - got a bad rap). 

Now these things may not say 'witch' to you, but they speak to me and that is what counts. 

I've always loved the expression "When the student is ready, the teacher will come."   Maybe it is true that when we are ready to accept ourselves and what we really are we can look around and see that we have been preparing for this all along.

So now, I'm ready for that hat, I've earned it, and yes, it is very me.

~ Sam


Thursday, October 25, 2012

becoming samantha

Thanks for joining me today. I don't see myself as a "blog every day" kind of person, but I do want to explain my situation a bit better.

I married my first husband when I was very young, making my parents happy and living the life I thought God had put me on this earth to live. We thought like this because our protestant christian faith told us to.

After only a few months I realized that I lived in fear of the man I had married and things did not improve until I figured out that no god - no good god - would want anyone to live like this. We divorced and I threw myself into my job. By and by, I met Darrin (who to this day tells me he was afraid of me when we first met!). He slowly won my heart and, eventually, I agreed to marry him (he and his parents and their parents, and so on, were catholic and it was marriage or hell - to make things easy for him, I went with marriage). I also refused to convert to his religion (and may have said a few unkind things about religion in general - I remember making the priest a bit uneasy) but, at last, we were married in a church in the presence of family and friends.

When I was pregnant that 'who am I, what am I here for' feeling began to call to me.  I began to search for God. I even took classes and joined the catholic church. Babies (Tabitha first - then Adam), life, friends, neighbors, new church friends - all this seemed to bring a new level of peace to our home. Life was nothing like my first marriage. Darrin has a sweetness that makes our time together so comforting. Sex was, and still can be, great. But during the last few years - maybe it's the fact that the kids have left home and I'm no longer 'mommie' - I have lost god. Not here, nope. Gone. Before you feel sorry for me - show me your god.

When I let go of the "I'm a sinner, even my thoughts are sin. I need a savior. Just have faith and the next life will be better than this one. Women must be silent, - - oh, and send your money to the following address..." way of thinking, life became the most beautiful experience. I swear. I can do that now. Swear. Swear. Swear. I tell the truth not because I fear hell, but because I want to live in the here and now.

I guess that brings me to the Samantha issue. When I tried to talk to Darrin about all this he became afraid for me. Yes, he's still got hell on the brain and he loves me. To try to explain that not only do I not worship a god but I also believe in my own witchyness would (I'm afraid) freak the poor man out. I love this man and have no desire to get rid of him. I love our history - the life story - that the two of us are creating and have been working on almost 30 years. So, in an effort to keep him happy and not have him worry, I entered my broom closet and set up shop. I have my books and lists and diaries to remember what has happened and to, occassionally, try things again just to make sure... By the way, sporting events have never been within my power to control, I'm probably not as strong as I think I am.

But a witch is strong. Her (or his) actions and thoughts have meaning and strength.


I'm sure someday science will discover what this is all about and call this a 'law of nature' and everyone will be taught how to work with the gift. For now, I do know (first hand knowledge and probably subject of another post) this is a big part of my magick. I am continuing to learn, I don't have all the answers, but it's in my questioning and learning that I have a contented happiness.

So when I light a candle and sit in the darkness, give thanks to the elements for their constant help, say a prayer to the essence of life and all creation - then I am at worship.  This makes a lot more sense to me than a quick trip to the local, tax free establishment that seems more interested in attaining and keeping power and wealth than anything else.   For the record, I think most people are good and seek to do good but the establishment, the ruling body - the guys with the power and money - are in it for the power and money.  Period.  Just as in the days of Constantine, they have figured out how to promise an unseen and unknown heaven so that they can control the here and now.

I gave up trying to explain things to Darrin. When good things happen I just tell him we are blessed. (He sees this as his god fixing things for us - and I have to bite my tongue to keep from asking "If your god is so good, why did HE let this shit happen in the first place?")  When we go through storms (real weather related events or just the junk that life throws at us) and he marvels at how calm I am, I just say "I am what I am."

And what I am is a woman, a solitary practicing witch. I'm not a wiccan but I do love the expression: "To Know, To Dare, To Will, To Keep Silent."

What creed do you live by? Does it serve you or do you serve it?  


P.S.  Yes, I realize if I'm blogging I am not 'keeping silent.'  Let's face it, I'm human and seek friendships with like minded people.  In real life I am totally in the closet and must stay so for love and life (who knew when you really got involved in church so many of the people you associate with are 'churchy' and will have nothing to do with someone who refuses to worship as they do?).  I also want to blog because I feel there are lots of people in the world, especially women, who are starting to realize the big three monotheistic religions really hate women, but that discussion will have to wait for another day.


Wednesday, October 24, 2012

i just have to talk to someone

Remember "Bewitched" the 1960's t.v. sitcom about a witch who marries a mortal and waits until their wedding night to tell him she's a witch? Really - how believable was that? Their wedding night? Why did she wait? We all know what happened, they lived happily ever after in t.v. land with little witchy things happening, babies arriving, in-law troubles, and crazy neighbors. Samantha tried not to use her witchcraft and Darrin loved her more when she acted normal - which she wasn't (or did he love her for trying to be more like him?). Let's be honest, he adored her for not using witchcraft, unless, of course, he needed a little something then she could witch on.

Well, if you'll believe that, will you believe that a woman married a man in the 1980's and tried to be everything he wanted in a wife because she loved him? She tried his religion, learned to love football, quit work to stay home with their kids, and gave up tea in the morning for coffee all because she loved her man .... and I still do. Only my dear husband has just announced he will retire next year. So I have about 13 months to decide if I should tell him

"Darrin, I'm a witch."

This should be interesting and I'm not sure if I will tell him or just keep myself tucked cleverly away in the broom closet.

This could be a wild ride. 

Are you with me? 

~ Sam