Thursday, November 1, 2012

bitter sweet

I had lots of fun yesterday, all dressed up and no one to tell me how godless and terrible witches are.  I wore a bit more makeup than I usually do and tried to look my best.  I don't do "scary" and I have never worn a mask with a green witch face.  I see the world view of Halloween as just a fantasy of witchyness, just trying to stir up a christian fear so that everyone will look to a lone male god for protection. 

After all the trick or treaters were gone and the house was quiet, I sat alone with my candles and thought of loved ones no longer here.  At some point, I walked out on the patio and stared at that big, old moon.  I told it and everyone good night.  Just before I turned to walk back into the house I could smell lavender everywhere!  I got so excited, was this it?  Had my paternal grandma come by to say good night to me?  Then I remembered I had bundles of lavender drying here under the eaves...  Still for a moment...

As I mentioned in my last post, this time of year always brings along a sadness of knowing so many people were killed because they were labeled 'witch.'  But a new level of sadness was added when I read The Halloween Witch a post by Angel at The Country Witch's Cottage.  This post actually brought tears to my eyes.  I never thought about the reason witches are depicted with green faces.  Like some of her other readers I just thought it was done to make us look bad. 

My break with organized religions that act as if the male is all that is needed (all that matters) is not completely over.  I still, on occasion, attend church with Darrin.  He expects it, the neighbors do too - and the folks at church.  I worry that even my children would have trouble with mom giving up 'church' (even though neither one is attending a church at the moment).  

This closet business is hard, but not as hard as I believe the coming out would be.  I don't think I would be physically tortured, but I do fear rejection and loneliness.  So many blogs I follow don't realize what a comfort they are to me, friends in the blogging world make my life better just by being there and posting their thoughts and stories of their lives.  On the other hand, friends I visit with in "real life" have little or no clue about who I really am.  So in my heart and mind I have much conflict with all this. 

This is my New Year's resolution:  To figure out a way to meet and become friends with others like me in my community.  Not sure how I will do this... 

Any suggestions?

~ Sam



  1. Samhain blessings to you, Samantha. Is there a new age bookstore in your town or city? They often have bulletin boards with events and contact info for spiritual groups, etc. That's where I would start to look. Most contacts come about by word of mouth, so attend lots of different kinds of things, if you can, and just keep your ears and eyes open! All kinds of helpful info gets shared.

  2. You are a wise woman indeed Samantha. Blessing upon you. Your journey is well chosen, your eyes open, enjoy the ride.

  3. Oh Sam, it makes me sad that in the 21st. century a witch is still afraid to be herself.

    I grew up with magic in my life. The wise witch women in my family go back to the 15th. century in Norway and we can trace midwives and healers on my British side to the 16th. century. I have been lucky to have never been afraid to be called a witch. My grandmother instilled in me the power of being a woman and to be a woman with a gift of magic with nature is even more empowering.

    It is funny, I live in a small town and there is a neighbouring town. I recently hosted a Gypsy Tea & Tarot party at my art studio to raise funds for a Dog Rescue I work with. I put up posters at the local post office ( in the neighbouring town) and got a call from a woman who lives across from our small library. She was so thrilled that there was another witch, and one who "came out" in the area she was almost in tears. She has been practicing for some time and has other friends like us but none of them ever told anyone else. She thought it was wonderful that I was doing this and very brave. I laughed. I told her that I have always been a witch and that what others thought has never bothered me. I said I figured by hosting this party I would either meet people of like mind or have the villagers at my door with pitch forks.

    We had a great laugh. 45 people came to the event. Some friends, some family and a lot of new witches and healers.

    Sam, embrace your love of the craft. I don't look down on organized religion even though I feel it some of it has become financially driven, so if the good church people between the two villages ( there are 3 churches) look down on my beliefs I would just ignore it. Nothing can change who I am and my love of the gift I was given.

    Actually, after our first fundraiser, ( I am hosting another in June called "Something Wicked This Way Comes), I have had many requests for tickets and I think we will double our guests. There are a lot of people from both villages that were sorry the tickets got sold out and want to come in June.

    I have thought of writing a book for the 21st. century witch and calling in "Coming Out Of The Broom Closet", what do you think?

    blessings & bliss
    Sue The Wicked Faerie Queen