Saturday, June 1, 2013

not ready to quit

I hope it's not a bad thing to go a month without posting.  I am on such a self discovery mission that all my spare time is spent learning.  While I am happy, relieved even, to be god free - I find myself in need of witchyness.

I have always seen witches as strong women and I want that.  I am that.  At the same time I only seek equality for women and men, gay and straight, whatever.  I suppose I'm growing up, and maybe wiser, and see less need for competition and more need for cooperation.

Dropping my Christian beliefs, including the one about Jesus coming back and starting the world over again, I now have a desire to take care of the planet for the generations to come.  This has been a big eye opener for me.  The health of this planet (our home)  is up to people living now, doing the right thing for the future. 

I have sadness for all the time I've wasted.  I have so much to learn.  And to share - I have started to open up to Darrin about the fact that I'm an atheist.  We've got a ways to go, but I have made a bit of progress. 

As for telling him about my witch journey - I'm still trying to figure out how to do that.

For a while, I considered giving up my 'witch blog.'  I even closed it for a week, but it is here that I take a few minutes to put into words some of the change going on in my life.  If you are making changes and blogging about it, let me know - I'm looking for inspiration. 

Last of this Spring's smiling pansies.

Hope you are having a wonderful Spring.  As the moon gets smaller I'm in a rush to clean out closets.  Somehow it just feels so right / natural / comfortable / EASY to throw things away during this phase of the moon. 

I have too many witchy habits to give up on everything.  I guess I'm just looking for a sign.  If I could have a Fairy come sit at my feet and visit with me, or if the spirit of one of my ancestors strolled into the room - I would grab my broom and dance around the neighborhood.

I need a little proof.




  1. Hello my friend,
    The journey, I feel, is always full of turmoil and self doubt. Our chosen path is one of constant learning. Enjoy that process, the flip side is if we already knew everything there would be nothing to wonder at. I learn something new about the craft every day, it's fantastic!

    I'm glad you have started opening up to Darrin. I know you always said that would be tricky. You have such strength in you, to be able to figure out in your own mind the truth instead of just hanging onto the ideologies put in your head from the earliest age. That takes an incredibly strong mind to come out of that amount of brainwashing. Don't underestimate yourself, open your ams and embrace your new future, it will amaze you. You have decades of beliefs to undo, it's not going to happen overnight.

    Don't stop blogging, I need to hear what you think. It helps me to hear your perspective as I learn through your process too.
    Much love.

  2. Sam,
    I know exactly the feelings you are dealing with now. When I started on the path, it opened my eyes to Mother Earth and how we need to take care of her just as she has taken care of us. In fact explaining to my husband my beliefs I realized it was easier for him to grasp when I referred to paganism as an ecological kind of religion. Everything is connected and has energy, Divine Spirit is for me another word for this energy. I believe is both female and male.
    I was doing and still am , a lot of studying and reading. There is so much to learn and relearn. My old foundations had to be dug up and I am questioning everything now as I form my new bedrock of beliefs.
    As for needing a sign, I've discovered they may be there ,we just have to look with new eyes.
    A couple of years ago I was reading a book on Birds in Mythology and Magic. I came across this quote..."Feathers.. are a way of receiving affirmation and acknowledgement that Spirit is not a figment of the imagination. Feathers are a physical manifestation of the Spirit that connects us all. by Starfeather, Sacred Feathers
    I take a walk in the evenings after dinner around my neighborhood. I too was wondering, looking for a sign. I started thinking of looking at the world around me with new Witchy eyes.
    I began seeing feathers every where, in the grass, on the sidewalks, stuck in the bark of trees and I began to collect them. I think I may have over forty feathers.
    I began to study the feathers to try and discover from what bird they were from and what significance or meaning they have.
    One evening as my husband was walking with me I looked up and a feather was floating down out of the sky, there wasn't a bird in sight. I just held out my hand and the feather floated into it.
    So keep looking Sam, I know Spirit will make itself known to you.

  3. I think you already have your sign by your unwillingness to give up your connects to the earth. Your witchy activity. ;) (including this blog)