guilty conscience

I am a pagan I don't have guilt over pleasures.

At least I thought I didn't.

I have let some of my chores go over the past few months, I find myself sitting to visit with Darrin and the next thing I know it's 5pm - our work day is done.  No guilt here.

Another thing I found myself doing was playing video games. Quick games, on my phone - a minute here or there... Something to do when a newly retired husband has the television on and he's watching something that I would never sit and watch. (Good grief! How many times can a person watch Hitler invade Poland?!) I can't blame everything on Darrin, this is totally me. One evening I realized I just felt all tense and unable to calm my mind, which led to my having guilt...

I have figured out that I don't need to play computer games.  I've enjoyed them since the first time I played "Pong" but now (old age?) they make me tense. I quit playing for a few weeks and then I played for three nights - just a half hour, more or less, in the late evening - and the way it made me feel was scary (not the good kind of scary). It finally dawned on me that I wasn't letting my mind wander and relax. Forget meditation, it was like my brain was in overdrive and looking for something, anything. Seriously, how can you know if your dreams come true if you don't take the time to actually dream?  I won't tell you that I'll never play them again, but for now I've put away the computer games and I'm getting back to basics.

Step 1: Breathe

Step 2: Light Candle and continue to breathe


~Sam

)O(